Take a Step Back
by llamahat
Summary: AU after Always. Alexis comes home early and she is not happy. She lets her Dad know exactly how she feels and gives him an ultimatum.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Go to my profile to help me find a story I am looking for :D I own nothing of course. Looking for a beta PM me if interested: D**

Alexis walked into the loft, dropped her purse onto the floor, and fell onto the couch. She was exhausted. The party last night had been fun and a great way to blow of steam after the stress of finals and graduation, but all she wanted to do right now was sleep. Groaning she lifted herself off the couch and made her way to her father's room. She knew he would want to know she had made it back safely. He was probably mad that she never texted or called him last night to let him know how she was doing. In fact, she was surprised she did not find him sitting on the couch when she arrived home. "Dad, I'm home," Alexis yelled hoping to surprise her father as she stormed into his room.

Castle and Kate both sat up and Kate clutched the blankets around her trying to make sure everything was covered. "Are you kidding me? Alexis exclaimed as she left her father's room slamming the door behind her.

"Alexis wait!" Castle said as he tumbled out of his bed. He grabbed his boxers from the floor, slipped them on, and ran out the door after his daughter. Kate knew they needed to talk privately, so she stole a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants from Castle's closet and lay back on the bed to wait.

Alexis was wide-awake now. She paced around her room. How could he do this? She heard a knock at the door and even though she was really not in the mood to talk to her dad she invited him in anyway.

"So I'm guessing you're not happy for me." Castle said as he shut the door behind him.

"Geez dad, what gave it away?" Alexis said as she sat on the edge of her bed.

"I love her Alexis," Castle said looking Alexis right in the eyes as he sat down at her desk.

"The whole world knows that Dad. But what great thing did she do that made you fall into bed with her less than 24 hours after saying you were done with her."

"She chose me Alexis."

"As I recall you blatantly asked her to chose you and she said no."

"You really need to stop listening in on your Gram and I's conversations."

"Dad! Stop trying to change the subject. Did she or did she not reject you?"

"Alexis, it's complicated."

Alexis leaped off the bed and started walking around her room. "No! No, no, you don't get to use that excuse because it's not really. You told her you loved her and she pretended not to remember. You asked her to let go and chose you and she kicked you out. She didn't run after you after you said it would kill you to watch her get herself killed. She didn't sow up for my graduation, so at what point did she chose you, Dad cause I'm a little confused."

Castle reached out towards his daughter, but she flinched away. "Alexis, you don't understand."

"Then make me. When did she choose you?"

Castle quickly told Alexis as much of the story as he had heard from Kate. He left out the part were Kate quit because he didn't know that part. She had just told him about almost falling and then coming to see him.

"Oh, so she only chose you because her other choice was death."

"No, that's not it!" Castle yelled leaping up from his chair.

"Yes, it is Dad. Why don't you get it? Beckett only chooses you when her other choices are exhausted. Did she even tell you she loved you?" Castle avoided his daughter's eyes and was silent. "That's what I thought. Look, dad I love you and you obviously can't protect yourself so I'm going to help you."

"What do you mean?"

"It's her or me Dad."

"What?" Castle said reaching out for Alexis.

"No," Alexis said pulling away. "I'm sick of this stupid game she plays with you. She doesn't realize your whole family is getting pulled along for the ride. So, I'm giving you a choice. I'm going to be living in the dorms and either I'm going to be visiting you or I'm not."

"Alexis, you don't mean that."

"I do Dad. I hate her. I hate what she does to you. I hate who she turns you into. Your not sad and depressed you never have been."

"It's going to be different now Alexis."

'Dad, she almost died and still didn't say she loved you." Castle sunk back into his chair and was once again silent. "You think it is going to be so different, but your heart just wants her so bad that you are willing to overlook anything."

"Alexis please."

I won't stand around and watch her destroy you and you take it happily. I won't be there to clean up her mess. So Dad, is it her or me?"


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thank you to everyone reading my story. I especially appreciate those who took the time to review. You probably noticed that I accidentally hit complete on the story that is obviously a mistake. That would have been a terrible ending. Sorry if it confused any of you. I'm currently looking for a story. Check out my profile for a description to see if you can help me find it. It would make me as happy as I was to see all the follows, favs, and reviews! :D Please enjoy the second chapter.**

Castle walked into his bedroom and watched as Beckett slowly sat up on the bed. "So did you and Alexis get everything straightened out?" Beckett said as she swung her legs over the side of the bed.

Castle walked to the window in his room and looked out of the street below his loft. "She wants me to choose."

"Choose what?"

"She wants me to choose between seeing her or being with you."

Beckett was shocked. She never expected something like that from Alexis. "Well, did you tell her that kind of ultimatum is ridiculous?" Castle was silent. "Castle, she's an adult you can't let her act like this."

"Don't tell me how to raise my kid Kate and she brought up some good points." Castle said as he turned around to face Kate.

Kate shifted on the bed. "Yeah, like what?"

"Well, she pointed out you didn't really choose me" Castle said as he leaned his back against the wall.

"Of course I did Castle. I chose you over my mother's case."

"Well, yeah you did, but it was like a second choice. You're first choice didn't work out so hot, so you came running back to me knowing I'd welcome you with open arms."

Kate shot up off the bed. "Rick, you know that isn't true. It seems like that, I will give you that. I made a wrong choice yesterday. I was scared and I chose what I thought was the easier path."

"Oh, so chasing down a guy that put a bullet through your heart is easier than being with me. That's nice to hear."

Kate reached out for Castle, but he moved to the other side of the room. "Rick, you know I didn't mean it like that. "

"How did you mean it Kate? Because frankly, I don't know what you mean or what you really want. You come to my house after getting thrown off a roof and say you had a change in heart. You almost died. How do I know your not going to just change your mind again?"

"Cause I'm still here Rick. I'm standing here fighting for you right now."

"Do you love me?" Castle said taking a step toward her.

"What?"

"Tell me you love me."

"I.. I.." Kate looks down at the floor a tear coming down her cheek.

"That's just great. Kate you almost died and not even that is enough to make you say you love me. Alexis is right."

"No. She's not right." Kate said wiping the tears off her face and looking Castle in the eye. "She is looking at this from a second hand perspective. She knows the stories, but she doesn't know the true feelings. She doesn't know the tiny moments we've had."

"I think she knows a lot more than we both give her credit for."

"Castle don't do this. I know you love Alexis, but please don't do this. Just give her time Castle."

"I'm going to Kate, but right now I want you to leave, because I don't think you know what you really want anymore. I know I love you and right now I don't think you love me. I think I'm an easy option."

"Castle please." Kate said reaching out for Castle.

Castle turned away from her hands and walked to his bedroom door. "Just leave Kate." Castle said as he left his bedroom. He walked into his office, sat at his desk, and broke down.

Kate slowly gathered her cloths as she sobbed. She walked out the front of his building not noticing Martha as she entered her cab.

Richard why did Detective Beckett leave crying?" Martha said as she walked into Castle's office. "Oh, Darling what's wrong?" Martha said as she wrapped her arms around her crying son.

"Everything." Castle said as he gave in and pressed his body into his mother's body like a small child.

"Shhh, just start from the beginning." Martha said as she rubbed her son's trembling back.

Castle leaned back and explained everything to his mother. Beckett showing up last night, Alexis's anger and ultimatum, and finally his last conversation with Beckett. "Oh darling, I knew this would happen one day."

"What?"

"Alexis, trying to parent you."

"She's always done that."

"Yes, and I think we are finally realizing why that was such a bad thing." Martha held her hand up before Castle could say anything. "Alexis is a wonderful young women and Castle you are a great father, but the way Alexis was raised wasn't normal. I think we can both agree you were there for Alexis always, but made some mistakes along the way."

"What parents doesn't?"

"My point is that Alexis has always felt like she was slightly in charge of you. She feels like she is the more responsible one. We always jokes it was as if she was raising you and now I think she has just slipped into that role. Tonight was an extreme example. She is trying to be the parent."

"What are you saying mother?"

"Richard, Alexis has know idea how truly complicated a relationship is. Her most serious boyfriend was Ashley, a high school romance. Beckett and you are not like her and Ashley at all."

"Of course not."

"So you have to ask yourself how can Alexis judge your and Beckett's relationship if she doesn't even know what a real relationship is like."

"She can't."

"Exactly! You should never take relationship advice from an 18-year-old girl. As much as I respect my granddaughter, she has no clue about you and Beckett. And as far as that ultimatum goes, I'm can't believe you would even think of not leaving that room telling her exactly how childish that is."

Castle rubbed his head with his hands, "You're right Mother."

"I'm sorry. Your voice was a bit muffled by your hands. Can you repeat that a little louder please?" Martha said with her usual flair.

Castle smirked, "You were right Mother."

"Well, I'm not done."

"Oh!"

"Yes, we have to clear up the little matter of you trying to force Beckett to tell her she loves you."

"I didn't try to force her."

"Oh, so telling her your daughter doesn't believe she loves you then asking her if she even loves you and demanding an answer isn't forcing. I'm sorry I was mistaken. I didn't know that wasn't forcing someone."

Okay you're right Mother."

"Ahh hearing I'm right never gets old."

"Yeah well, don't get use to it." Castle said as he leaned back into his chair. "I may have tried to force her, but she should have been able to say it."

"Really you think so?"

"I do"

"Well, you are wrong again Richard. Do you go into all your relationships making sure the person loves you?"

"I see were your going with this and you know Beckett and I are different."

"Do you think she likes you Richard? Like really really likes you."

"Yes."

"Do you think that she could love you?"

"I did, but now I just don't know."

"Do you love her?"

"Mother you know the answer?"

"Humor your mother Richard."

"Yes, I love her. I love Kate Beckett."

"Did you not a couple months ago tell Alexis that was enough for now?"

"I did months ago. Things are different now."

"They are different, but I don't think they are different in the way you think they are different."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that a couple months ago you had hope that Beckett might want to be with you and now you have proof."

"I don't think so. She came to me after almost dying."

"Richard do you really think Kate Beckett would come and open herself up like she did to you on a crazy whim. It was pretty late was it not when she arrived at your door."

"It was."

"You told me she was soaking wet. How do you think she got that way?"

"Walking here."

"She got a cab here. I asked the doorman when I saw her leaving in a cab. She must have been somewhere out in the rain just thinking and then she came here."

"She chose me"

"She did."

The front door rang and Castle rose to answer it. He turned back to his mother, "Thank you mother. And could you.."

"Talk to Alexis. Of course I can."

"Thank you." Castle said as someone started pounding on the door.

"You better get that." Martha said as she headed up the stairs to Alexis's room.

Castle yanked the front door open. "Lanie?"

"Castle why didn't you answer your cell phone I've been calling you all morning?"

"I forgot to plug it in last night. What's this about Lanie?"

"Beckett resigned yesterday afternoon and no one has seen her since."


	3. Chapter 3

Martha knocked gently on Alexis's door as she opened the door.

"Dad, the whole point of knocking is to wait for the person to say come in, not just walk right in." Alexis rolled over on her bed to face the door. "Oh sorry Gram. Is something wrong?"

"Well, I just talked to your father Alexis, and I have to say I'm disappointed in you."

"Why? Someone around here has to protect him from Detective Beckett."

Martha walked over and sat on the edge of Alexis's bed putting her hand on her knee. "Honey, even if your father did need protection from Detective Beckett you are to young to be the one giving it."

"I've always looked out for Dad. He's a giant child. Everyone knows that."

"Alexis, your father is very youthful, but he has also been through a lot. He is and can be surprisingly mature. You are his child. You should not be trying to raise him. And you proved what a child you were by giving him that ridiculous ultimatum. I don't know what posed you to do such a thing. You've always been a levelheaded kid."

"I had to do it because he disillusioned himself into thinking she chose him. Dad told her he loved her and she pretended not to remember. Dad asked her to let go and chose him and she kicked him out. She didn't run after him after he said it would kill him to watch her get herself killed. She didn't show up for my graduation, so at what point did she chose him? He is crazy to think she just changed on a whim."

"Alexis, I know it doesn't seem like it, but I promise you Kate Beckett chose you father. Yes, she made a ton of mistakes along the way, but so did your father." Martha held her hand up before Alexis could interrupt her. "I know we both know how pig headed your father can be. It took a lot for Kate to be able to trust him. You have to remember you grew up knowing your father for who he really is and Beckett just knew about his playboy ways from page 6. He didn't help himself by not truly showing Kate who he was from the beginning."

"I guess. Dad did ask her what she wanted signed when he first met her."

"And we have no idea what else he could have done before he figured out he was completely head over heels in love with her. Now there is one thing I want to address that you said that I am a bit curious about."

"What?"

"What does her not showing up for your graduation have to do with Kate choosing your father?"

"She should have been there to support him."

"Oh, your father was graduating." Alexis rolled her eyes. "Alexis, did you send Kate an invitation?"

"Yes, and before you ask she came down to the morgue and told me she would be there." Alexis turned away from Martha.

"I'm guessing it hurt pretty bad when she didn't show up." Alexis nodded her head reusing to turn around and face Martha. "Martha reached out and pulled Alexis, who had begun to cry, into a hug.

"I'm just so sick of people leaving me." Alexis said as she wiped tears from her eyes. Martha was silent knowing it was time for Alexis to finally let it all out. "I mean the only time I see my mom is when I go to California to see her. She was in New York 2 months ago for a weekend to try out for a small movie role and she couldn't take an hour out of her schedule to have coffee with me. I'm her daughter and she couldn't give me an hour. How ridiculous is that? And she promised me she would be at my graduation, but she found out they were casting a musical she just had to try out for. She said she could just catch me at my next graduation. She said they are all the same boring ceremony anyway. I was valedictorian. I gave a speech. How is that ever going to happen again? I'm not graduating high school again. It's not fair."

"I know darling." Martha said as she stroked Alexis's hair.

"And don't even get me started on Gina. She was only nice to be until she and dad got married. It dad didn't love me so much, I'm sure I would have been in a boarding school. She doesn't want anything to do with me now either. She was so nice to me and then took it all away when she and Dad got together."

"Are you afraid Kate is going to do the same thing?"

"I'm not worried that she will, because she already has. She use to come over all the time, when she and dad were working cases. She was so sweet to me asking me about school, boys, and just what my friends and I were up too. She always seemed to make time to talk to me whenever I needed advice from someone that wasn't male and was closer to my age. No offense Grams."

"None taken my dear."

"And then she got shot. She took a bullet right in front of me. For a split second I thought it was Dad and then I realized it was her. I expected to feel some sort of relief that it wasn't my father laying on the ground his life draining out of him, but truthfully seeing her laying there bleeding out hurt just as bad." Alexis wiped frantically at the tears that were coming from her eyes and Martha wiped the tears falling from her eyes as well. "They whisked her off to the hospital and the waiting was the worst. I saw it happen. I knew how bad it was. And then the doctor came out and said there were complications, but she was going to be okay. I was so relieved."

"I was too." Martha whispered.

" You and I went home and waited for Dad because Mr. Beckett wanted to make sure the man he saw save his daughter's life got to see her as well. Dad came home so upset, because she had basically kicked him out. She kicked all of us out. I didn't get to see her she came to the morgue for her case. I barely saw her out of the office. She never seems to have time for me anymore. I know she went through something horrific, but so did I. We all did. I don't think she realizes that although we don't carry the physical scars of that day, all those that care about her carry the mental scars."

"Oh kiddo." Martha said tightening her arms around Alexis.

"I've just been so angry Grams. And I think my graduation was the finally straw for me. Logically I know going out with Detective Beckett and forgiving her is between Dad and her, but my heart says no. I don't want to give her another opportunity to stomp on it again, because everyone in my past has done just that."

"That is very mature thinking Alexis. And I can see where you are coming from. And I also think you should trust your Dad. He has not ever truly forgiven your mom. He will never forgive Gina. He is pretty smart. If he is willing to forgive Kate, I think you should give her a chance too. But you have to do one thing? Well, actually two."

"What do I have to do?"

"First you have to apologize to both you father and Kate. And then you have to tell Kate how what she did affected you. Because in my experience Kate Beckett is a caring person and she will try to make it right with you."

"I know"

"Do you want that?"

"I do. Is Dad still here?"

"Someone was at the door when I came upstairs, so he should be."

"I think I'm going to go downstairs and apologize to him."

"Do you want me to come with you?

Very much"

"Okay, let's go downstairs." Martha said as she scooted off the bed.

"Grams?"

"Yes."

"Thank you and I love you."

"You're welcome Alexis. We all forget to act our age sometimes. And I love you too. Now let's go find your father."


	4. Chapter 4

"Are you kidding me Castle? You took relationship advice from an 18 year

old girl." Lanie said as she crossed her arms and glared at Castle.

"Yeah, I did. I'm an idiot. I know that. I have to fix it, but first tell me what happened yesterday after Ryan saved Kate's life." Castle replied.

Lanie sighed and sank into Castle's chair. "This is what Javier told me. Gates told them how they disgraced the badge, her, and themselves and then she asked for their guns and badges. She told them they were going to be suspended for two months. Javier said he tossed his badge on the desk and he looked over at Kate and she was just staring at her badge. He said her finger just kept running over the numbers. He figures it was her way of saying goodbye."

Castle sat in the chair opposite Lanie and leaned forward. "Saying goodbye?"

"I already told you she resigned. She just tossed her badge on the desk, told Gate's to keep it, threw her stuff in a box, and walked out the door. Javier, Ryan, and I have been calling her since she left, but she hasn't answered."

"She really chose me." Castle said as he leaned back into his chair.

"Don't piss me off again Castle. Of course my girl chose you, she is head over heels in love with you." Lanie growled as she leaned towards Castle.

"Then why couldn't she say it Lanie. I know I shouldn't have pressured her into doing it. I know that was completely wrong, but if she loved me so much why couldn't she just say it." Castle said desperately.

"I wish I could answer that for you, but I think you already know that I can't." Lanie said as she grasped Castle's hand. "Castle, I'm really scared for her. I don't want to make you feel bad, but what happened between you two was just not what she needed after resigning like that."

"I know I screwed up royally Lanie. And as soon as we find her I'm going to do whatever it takes to make it right"

"Good, but I think there is something you need to take care of first. Lanie said as she pointed at something over Castle's shoulder.

Castle turned to see Alexis standing in the doorway. Dad, can we talk?

Castle ushered his daughter into his room losing the door behind them.


	5. Chapter 5

I'm so sorry dad." Alexis said as she wiped the tears that were falling from her eyes. "I never should have gotten involved in your relationship with Detective Beckett. It wasn't fair and it wasn't very grown up for me."

Castle sighed and sat next to Alexis on the edge of his bed. "Then why did you do it baby bird?"

"Did I tell you I invited Detective Beckett to my graduation?"

"No, you never mentioned it and neither did she.'

"I sent her an invitation and she promised she would be there. I was surprised when she didn't come. I was pretty upset when I overheard you telling Gram that she had picked her mother's case over you again and it was the final straw. When she didn't show up for my graduation I knew she had picked it over me too." Alexis dropped her head into her hands in an attempt to stop the tears.

"Alexis," Castle muttered as he pulled her into his lap and tightly wrapped his arms around his only child.

"I was already angry because Mom had some stupid excuse as to why she couldn't come. Detective Beckett may have stopped coming around as much this year, but when she told me she is going to be somewhere she always was. God, dad it hurt so bad when she didn't show up. I always knew she hurt you, but I didn't realize it hurt this much."

Castle rubbed his daughter's arm with his hand. "It hurts when someone you love disappoints you. Kate and I have hurt each other pretty badly this last year especially. She was sending me messages and I wasn't exactly receiving them. We both hid important things from each other, and we both should have communicated more.

"Gram said I should tell her she hurt me pretty bad by not showing up."

"I think that your Gram is finally starting to earn her keep around her." Castle said with a grin.

Alexis giggled and shoved her Dad. She wiped her nose with her sweatshirt sleeve and sighed. "I'm going to apologize first. It wasn't my place to get involved with the relationship between you two. I think your right about the communication thing, but no just with Detective Beckett."

"Oh?"

Alexis took a deep breath. "It is time I communicated better with some of the people in my life. I need to stop pretending that Mom acting like she is my crazy aunt has been okay with me. I need to tell her that her actions have hurt me. I need to stop bottling things up and pretending everything is okay."

"I think we all need to learn that Alexis." Castle said giving his daughter a quick one armed hug.

Alexis stood up and started walking toward the door. "Well, let's call Detective Beckett and see if we can get her to come back over so I, well we, can apologize."

Castle grimaced. "I don't think it is going to be that easy baby bird. Kate resigned last night."

"What?"

"That is why Lanie is here. She resigned and no one has heard from her since. She is not answering her phone and Lanie, of course, couldn't find her at her apartment earlier."

"We have to go help look for her. If she is still not answering her phone you and I can go check her apartment. You still have a key right?"

Castle stood up and ushered his daughter out the door. "Like I would ever get rid of a key to Kate Beckett's apartment."

...

Lanie was sitting in the living room waiting for Castle and Alexis, when Ryan and Esposito came through the door. "Lanie, she's not at home and her motorcycle is gone. " Esposito said.

Lanie was about to respond when she heard Castle speak. "Did you call her Dad?"

"No answer, but we were about to head up to his cabin." Ryan replied.

"We are coming too." Alexis said as she grabbed her coat off the rack by the door.

Castle put his hand over hers and said, "No, I need you to stay with Lanie. You guys can keep trying her cellphone and go sit out at her apartment in case she comes back. Espo, Ryan, and I will go to her Dad's apartment. We will call if we find her or if her Dad tells us where she is."

"Good plan Castle," Lanie said as she got off the couch and stood by Alexis.

The boys nodded to the girls as they headed out the door. Castle muttering under his breath. "God, please let her be okay."


	6. Chapter 6

Castle knocked on Jim's cabin door and waited for a minute before knocking again. He looked behind him where Esposito and Ryan were leaning on Jim's car. There was no sign of Beckett's motorcycle. Castle starting pounding on the door and yelled, "Jim! I know you're in there. I need to talk to Kate."

Castle almost fell into the cabin when Jim finally swung the door open. Jim glared at Castle for a minute before speaking. "I think I would like it if you called me Mr. Becket from now on."

Castle looked shocked for a minute before replying, "Oh course Ji I mean Mr. Beckett. I was." Castle heard Esposito clear his throat rather loudly behind him. "I mean we were looking for Kate. I don't know if you heard what happened."

Jim crossed his arms and took a step toward Castle, "Trust me Mr. Castle I heard about everything that has happened recently."

Castle gulped and took a small step back. "I know I messed up and I need to tell Kate that. Please, you have to help me find here."

Jim quickly shot back, "I didn't think you will be interested in finding her Mr. Castle."

Castle looked shocked. "What? Of course I would want to find Kate. I want to make things right with her."

"I would think it would be much too complicated and not enough fun for you to find Kate. You wouldn't be interested in something like that right Mr. Castle. You don't go for things that are complicated and no fun now do you?"

Castle paled. "Yo, Castle what's he talking about," Esposito called as he moved toward the pair.

"I uhhh I might have uhh." Castle stuttered.

"You can't tell your friend what you said to my daughter. It was so easy for you to say to her." Jim said as he once again got in Castle's face.

"Guys, what's going on," Ryan said as he too came over.

"Tell him, tell him what you said to Katie." Jim said.

Castle wrung his hands, looked at the floor, and spoke, " When Kate told me that my latest date from didn't seem like my type I told her that she was fun and uncomplicated and I needed that in my life."

Everyone was silent for a minute until Esposito finally spoke, "Lanie is going to kill you."

"Not you?" Castle asked him.

"Oh I would believe me, but when Lanie finds out you said that to our girl, she will kill me if I kill you first."

Castle stared at Esposito, "I would let her kill me. I was hurt and angry and acted like a child. I found out Kate was lying to me about something serious and I felt like I had to hurt her right back. Castle turned to Jim, "I am so sorry. It was a spur of the moment comment and honestly I regretted it the moment it slipped from my mouth. Please just help us find her, so I can spend a lifetime making it up to her."

Jim stared at Castle a moment before finally speaking. "I don't know were she is exactly, but all of you come inside and I will tell you what I know. Jim opened his door and Castle, Esposito, and Ryan entered his small cabin.


	7. Chapter 7

"Can I get you guys something to drink." Jim asked as he looked around at the three men sitting at his living room. It was obvious each of them cared greatly for his daughter. Rick in particular looked like he was about to be sick. He felt a bit bad about ripping right into him. He planned to be a little calmer about the whole thing, but when he saw his face he just lost it.

"Some water would be great for both of us." Ryan said as he pointed at Esposito.

"Rick, why don't you come to the kitchen with me so you can help me carry all the water out. Castle nodded and followed Jim into the kitchen. Jim was reaching up to get a glass from the cupboard, when he turned to Castle and said, "Look Rick, I'm not going to apologize for defending my daughter. Lord knows Kate has screwed up, but there is a line and I think you know you crossed.

Castle looked up at Jim and replied, "I know sir"

"Look, if you want to date someone other then Katie then that's your business, and I won't say a word. But when you purposely say things to hurt my daughter then it becomes my business."

"Mr. Beckett, when I said that to Kate I was in a bad place." Castle held his hand up to stop Jim for replying. "And I know that there in no excuse for what I said to her. God, if someone said that to Alexis, Kate would have to arrest me for murder. I just want you to know that I'm not that person. I don't ever want to be the kind of person who purposely says things to harm someone they love."

"You still love Katie."

"I never stopped. God she drives me crazy. And I was so hurt when I thought she didn't love me or really care for me at all."

"Katie loves you Rick. You have to know that. She's always been more like me then her mother when it comes to that sort of thing. Her mother was so open with her affection and always went out of her way to make sure I knew it. I, on the other hand, and Katie too almost never say it. Joanna never voiced it, but I knew she wished that I had told her I love you more. She always knew, but I think, you know, it feels better when someone acknowledges it aloud."

"It does. There were some clues that Kate tried to give me, but I missed them. They weren't enough."

"It is something you guys are going to have to work out together."

"I know and Mr. Beckett so you know, I don't want to date anyone else, Kate is it for me. It took us 4 years to even get this far and I may still do some stupid stuff, but I won't make the mistake of giving up on her again when we've come so far. I love her."

Jim smiled and placed his hand on Castle's shoulder. "That's all I wanted to hear. Someone who loves them with all their heart is all you ever truly want for your child."

"Let me finish helping you fill those glasses, Mr. Beckett."

"Rick, please call me Jim."


	8. Chapter 8

Kate dropped her body onto her sofa. She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes in an attempt to stop the tears from falling, but it was no use. God, she didn't think anything could make her feel like she did when she lost her mother, but losing Castle might have done it. It was over. She knew better than to think other wise. She was pathetic. The man she loved asked her to voice it and she couldn't even do that. It was three words. She was a coward. It was just the latest in the long line of ways she had hurt him. Alexis was right she was no good for him. She was no good for any of them.

Kate looked around her empty apartment. She had lost so much today. While, she understood the need to stay away from her mother's case it felt like she lost her change for justice. She had lost Castle; in fact she had lost the Castle family long ago. She had lost her job. And if that were not enough, she had lost Ryan and Esposito. Ryan had had the good sense to stay away from her, but god she had dragged Esposito down with her. If he had been killed she never would have forgiven herself. Lanie would never have spoken to her again, not that she would was amazing how in less than 24 hours she had lost almost everything she cared about.

Kate quickly stood up. She couldn't longer on these thoughts. She picked up her phone and with a quick glance at the blacks screen she realized it was dead. She threw it back onto the sofa. She didn't expect anyone she knew really wanted to talk to her right now. With her keys and wallet in hand, Kate left her apartment.

Before she knew it, Kate found herself knocking on her fathers cabin. She took a step back and wrapped her arms around herself. As soon a Jim opened the door she launched herself at him. Jim struggled to stay upright, as he found himself supporting his fully-grown daughter. Kate began to sob in his arms. "Katie what's wrong?" Jim said. He was startled to find his daughter crying. He couldn't remember the last time she had cried. Sure, there had been fallen tears during her fist couple physical therapy appointments, but never any real all out crying like she was currently doing.

"I mess everything up." Kate struggled to get out as she continued to cry in her father's arms.

"Oh honey," Jim said as he led Kate to his couch. He sat on the couch and Kate leaned against him. He rubber her shoulder and she wiped furiously at the tears falling down her face. "Now why would you think that?"

"Because its true. I hurt everyone. I only care about myself."

"Now I know that is not true."

"It is." Kate insisted.

"Why don't you tell me why you think that?" Jim. Kate nodded softly and then began her story. She started with her shooting and the confession Castle made. She told him about her lying to Castle. She moved through the story. It was like nothing could stop her. Her dad didn't get a chance to say a word. Everything just came pouring out of her. Everything she had kept bottled up, even the things she had yet to tell Dr. Burke. Finally, she finished her story. She looked down at the floor scared that if she looked him in the eye se would see disappointment and pity. "So your solution is to run away from everything."

"It's not running if there is no reason to stay. There is nothing for me to runaway from. Castle and his family want nothing to do with me. And why should they? All I do is hurt them."

"What about your friends and coworkers?"

"You heard what I did to them."

"We all make mistakes Katie, surely you know they will forgive you."

"Maybe, but why does it matter when I can't forgive myself."

"Oh Katie," Jim said as he pulled Kate closer to him.

"I think I am going to go see Anna and Caroline." Kate said.

"When?"

"I was thinking of leaving right now."

"Are you sure Katie? You know you could stay here."

"I know Dad, but I need to get out of New York and I need to do it now." Kate said as she removed herself from her father's grip and stood up. She tossed her motorcycle keys from hand to hand. "I promise to call and keep you updated."

"You'll be safe right." Jim said as he followed Kate to the door.

"Of course, I'll see you later promise." Kate said as she walked down his driveway to her motorcycle. Jim was about to close the door when he heard her shout, "Hey Dad."

"Yes Katie," Jim yelled back.

"I love you."

Jim smiled, "I love you too."


End file.
